Oh so you're trying to leave the house at 9am, syncing the walk to town with my next feed? You don't need a bath, no, definitely not, stay with me. Oh I'll cry if you leave, absolutely go mental, choke on my own tears and in case you think you can escape I'll hold on to you, you know, just to keep you safe.
After gym treat 🙊I don't even care ☠️
☠️6 weeks postpartum☠️ Gym was super busy this evening, my extroverted introverted self hated it. Within minutes I was lost between neon Lycra & sweaty brows, stomping away on my cross trainer. Mission get rid of baby body is well & truly underway, so watch this space. Eek!
Kind of forgot about breakfast, it disappeared in the have I got everything for mini human leaving house fiasco this morning at half past eight. How can someone so small require so many things? I was too annoyed after weigh in to eat brunch and the doctors was stupidly awkward and left me in a kerfuffle, who books a baby appointment on the top floor when there's no lift? You're right @jozefpotter I'm not weighing myself anymore, the scales lie, so not talking to them anymore. Simple healthy eating and exercise, although I've finally eaten this, a little too fast and given myself indigestion and heart burn, I'm actually going to die. I want pizza.
What type of baby do you have? I have the clingy baby, although we prefer to say huggie. He makes everyday chores & working from home a crystal maze challenge. And eating... well, crumby baby hair is so on trend.
❣️Sometimes I feel I could walk forever ❣️Now time for lunch❣️
🖤Celebrating 6 weeks postpartum with a date night with the gym 🖤Not sure whether I'm excited to start working off this baby belly or just happy to be getting out the house for a bit of me time, with no one talking to me or needing me for something. Just one hour of head phones, cardio & my own mind. Ohh that's a scary thought 💀
Friday. FriYay. Fri..Oh fuck off. 👠 If I had some ruby red slippers at the bottom of the wardrobe I'd slip them on, click my heels three times and zap back to London in a puff of lilac smoke. 👠 I'd be back in that cool flat in West Kensington down the road from my mum, a couple blocks away from Aunty and a tube stop away from friends, banter, life, the universe and everything awesome. 👠 My aunty would look after baby & boy randomly & at the last minute, like she used to with J over a decade ago. I'd probably gate crash someone else's plans, tag along their shindig or prop up the bar in my local west London pub. 👠 Instead, I'm with baby, boy and nephew with not an adult insight. I'm far to north of London for people to appear and the other half, he's out somewhere drinking beer. 👠 Yawn. I'm bored. Telly is rubbish. The cat keeps bringing in dead mice presents. Baby screams every time I put him down. Tweens are Xboxing & eating pancakes that smell so good that I haven't even tried. Dinner is healthy so I'm not even eating, fuck fish and vegetables I want KFC or pizza, I could totally eat both. I want a new bra, flat tummy & day trip to a spa, I want two taps beside the sink, one with Diet Coke the other with Vodka. It'd be lovely if some zeros would attach themselves to my bank balance so I could spend the evening internet shopping for random crap and things with skulls, or a holiday in Asia and a city break. I need a bloody boob job too. 👠 All the while, being grumpy on a Friday night, outnumbered by mini humans and furry friends... There's this little guy shuffling up my body, eyes locked on mine, snuffling into my pyjama tee, gripping my hair collecting strands between his knuckles and squeaking out gremlin sounds. 👠 This may not be the most exciting nights and dinner may be rubbish, I may be a little lonely and missing home a bit but there's this little man attached to me who thinks I'm pretty awesome, as I cuddle him breathing in his baby skin I think he's mighty wonderful and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 👠p.s can you tell I gave Hugh a manicure today? 💅🏻
💀🖤Shopping🖤💀 Ordered some new tops for my post baby body🖤I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker colour🖤Oh it's sunny outside I think I'll wear black🖤
We've been up since 4am, the perfect time mum, to shout for milk. Let's snuggle up, there's no rush, you don't need 8 hours really. I'll take forever to burp and you can force yourself awake till your eyes burn & hurt. Let's have some cuddles, I'll wiggle some more, on top of you, but only in the position where you're really uncomfy. Before you know it, it'll be after 6 and we'll watch the sunrise as the house begins to stir, then I'll scream randomly as you make them breakfast because I can't see you for like a second. I love 4am don't you...?
When I'm not being mummy... I'm busy wedding planning.. bring on the partayy 💞
Mummy Mode: You will raise mini humans and get no praise however; he will stay at home alone with his mini me, texting photographic evidence of each stage, documenting the 3 hours better than David Attenborough, softly talking his vocal cords off some seal, shagging off some coast somewhere... Honestly? ... Really?! Oh f*ck off! 🤣
❤️💙London💙❤️Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner.❤️💙About yesterday...💙❤️ Terror - I try not to feed the term terror, that's an excuse. In a world filled with illness & cancer why is it so hard to believe in the unseen. Mental illness affects 1 in 4 people, with currently 450 million suffering now, from minor quirks to major defects. Maybe it's not terror, maybe it's an illness. A sane person wouldn't do this... they just wouldn't, would you? Terror is an excuse for a world filled with sick people with hidden mental issues not being dealt with, instead they are left with a mind of crazy seeking comfort in extremist views and actions, murder and suicide. How do you explain this to your children? Yesterday, was devastating, the same as all attacks on the world but how do we educate our children? What we do and say will help the next generation. Don't feed their mind with racism and hate. 💙❤️London❤️💙 #london #lovelondon #prayforlondon #bigben #parliament #parenthood #parenting #parents #family #familylife #familygoals #quotes #thinking #mind #mentalillness #news #prayforlondon
The Working Mum 👩🏼💻 Night feeds, burps & email checks, typing by moonlight while the house visits dream land. 👩🏼💻 Early morning gurgles & first feed done by 6am. Packed lunches made and hairy man gone by 7 in a giant green van. Smelly tween asks for 5 more minutes and grumbles down his toast & fruit. 👩🏼💻 Doze off for a minute in baby cuddles, then shout at loud builders banging on the door at 8. Quickest body dip & armpit scrub, tidy square rooms then dress in all black garms, greasy hair, dry shampoo, messy bun, packs bag, work stuff, baby supplies and off we go. 👩🏼💻 Hands free kit to walk & work, weddings, wakes & other parties, discussed & planned while pushing up to town. 👩🏼💻 Nappy change, costa, meet the boss, hand over baby (see picture above @jamie.west.16568 love your boss face) work, work, work, work. 👩🏼💻 Through the door to home, tween arrives caked in mud, Hank Marvin, baby cries and tween refuses shower, he's not even that muddy apparently and baby feeds again for the millionth time. Dinner cooked & homework done with spellings too now in jim jams chill out time to crap car show. Daddy through the door from work (cheeky pint after) kisses mum as she tackles laundry with mini human strapped to chest. 👩🏼💻 Dinner round two for Dad with beer in front of telly, baby feeds and good night tween, mum sits at the table with iPad and healthy food, more emails, then payroll, media & marketing till baby milk & bedtime. 👩🏼💻 To go to sleep for a little bit, till secret baby dates for milk very late and sleep a bit more then wake for good to do it all again. 👩🏼💻 Just a normal day for a working mum. 👩🏼💻